Happy St. Patrick’s Day! What a lovely day it is. Everything is zombie green, everyone is at least “part Irish” and people talk in the worst Irish accents you’ll ever hear. The green beer will flow making a fun day even more spectacular. St. Patrick’s Day does present a very serious danger worth a word of caution.
Here at ZombieGift.com we care about our friends and readers. We don’t want anything terrible to happen to you. I know what you’re thinking and you’re only partly right. Of course we’ll give you the friendly reminder to not drink and drive. You’ve heard it enough but one more time never hurts: Be smart…don’t drink and drive. Drinking and driving is a serious danger on St. Patty’s day, but there is another threat that many zombie fans don’t consider: HMZ syndrome. HMZ stands for “Human Mistaken for Zombie”. The threat of being mistaken for one of the undead is greatly increased on St. Patrick’s day. In fact it’s topped by only one other day, October 31st.
Our research shows the incidence of humans being mistaken for zombies increases by 68% on St. Patrick’s Day. How could someone mistake a perfectly normal and uninfected human for a zombie? Let’s examine the similarities between a drunken St. Patrick’s Day enthusiast and a zombie to help clarify the situation.
Let’s look at your classic zombie. Forget about those crazy modern 28 Days Later zombies that sprint around like maniacs. We’re talking about the classic shambler we all know and love. Your classic zombie has decreased cognitive ability. Let’s face it, the classic zombie isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. They don’t think quick on their feet and they don’t make very good decisions.
Zombies typically throw caution to the wind and act without regard to their own safety. They will often be seen foolishly entering into situations with absolutely no fear or worry of bodily injury. Zombies also typically don’t think about the consequences their actions might have on others around them.
Classic zombies also have decreased reflexes and decreased motor coordination. You won’t see a zombie winning any gymnastics competitions. Nor will they be observed on the side of the road passing any field sobriety tests. Classic zombies just aren’t all that coordinated.
Zombies are easily knocked off balance. They fall down and slowly get back to their feet. They typically shuffle, stumble and shamble their way from one point to the next. See where we’re going with all of this? Well we aren’t done yet. Let’s look at speech.
Classic zombies just don’t communicate coherently. If they do manage to attempt speech it’s typically a garbled unintelligible moan or groan. You won’t have many coherent conversations with zombies. Worse yet when they do make an attempt to form speech it’s often accompanied by foul smelling breath, drool, and other unsightly traits.
Let’s finish with appearance and clothing. Zombies are typically green or appear very pale and ill. They also frequently have wrinkled, dirty, smelly and disheveled clothing. Articles of clothing are also frequently inexplicably missing.
By now I’m sure you are seeing the numerous parallels between a drunken St. Patrick’s day celebrant and a zombie. Truth be told most of us may look more zombie than human at the end of the night tonight. Think about how many people will be stumbling around, wearing predominately green, mumbling incoherently, smelling terribly, and making horrible decisions. The threat is very real my friend.
With that in mind we want to help protect you as you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. We’ve created a handy chart to help the general public tell the difference between a zombie and a drunken St. Patrick’s Day celebrant. Check it out below. You can even download it and share it with friends. We recommend printing it out as a flyer and passing it out to your friends and patrons at your local pub. Together we can prevent human deaths due to HMZ Syndrome this St. Patrick’s Day! Be smart, “Double Take BEFORE You Double Tap!”
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Ha! Post made laugh, Luck O’ the #zombies